Dream your own dream

As part of my random reading efforts, I read this article this morning about how working moms are more emotionally healthy than stay at home moms. (I know, the stuff that I chance upon these days is wild! The thing is, I try to stay away from all the Ron Paul & American political crap, steer away from technology articles, then from reality shows’ gossip, so that doesn’t leave me with much reading material now, does it?) The ideal balance was part-time working moms, who were emotionally satisfied and yet available to their kids. It was based off a recent survey from the American Psychological Association, printed in its December (I think) journal, and you can check the facts there. But the consensus was that being socially isolated by not working at all, led to some sort of depression and that in turn led to unhappy events or health issues.

Before you jump to conclusions, no, kids are not around the corner. My husband & I have to first stop being kids ourselves.

Anyway, going back to the survey findings, it also continued to say that mom’s greatly influence their daughter’s choice of being a working mom or stay at home mom. They advocate and support their choice to the extent that almost all working moms’ daughters were also working moms, and stay at home moms’ daughters were also stay at home moms. And this is where I started to relate to this article.

Ever so often when I talk to my mom, who is a stay at home mom by the way, we run into these discussions (errrrr, arguments is a more appropriate word). She strongly advocates the pleasures of being a domestic engineer (yes, that’s another word for stay at home mom) and not feeling guilty about addressing your child’s needs or schooling etc. And then there is that assurance that you will always be there to see him/her take the first step, say their first words, and so on. And I say that’s great, and in her defense, she did an excellent job of always being there for my sister and me – I love you mother for that and more. But my argument is that being around a crying child 24/7 would make you a bit insensitive, wouldn’t it? I’m no expert in child care, and I certainly am not a mom yet, but I know I’ll have to make that decision myself someday.

(P.S: these discussions don’t take into account the relevance of an additional income and other economic scenarios.)

And why can’t there be a balance between being that nurturing parent and also having a career? Wanting a social life, a career, and a dream can’t be that wrong? Especially when you have a husband who is ‘child’ friendly. In fact, I argue that stepping out of the house a few days of the week, gives you something to accomplish other than play dates, helps you build a social circle, brings in more ideas (ideas to do with even children’s games, child care, lessons, etc) than you would just sitting home alone with your offspring.

Mothers of the previous generation, "to make your daughter’s feel like its right or wrong one way or the other, is not your job. Giving mothering advice is your job, but stop dreaming your child’s dream." I know my mother will support my decision either way, but I also know other moms who won’t do the same for their daughter. And I’ve become a strong advocate of not being trapped by dogma, i.e not to waste one’s life by living someone else’s dream, or living with the results of other people's thinking (thanks for that definition of dogma, Steve Jobs). One life to live, so come on, carpe diem!

Disclaimer: I’m not supporting one way or the other, infact I have friends and family who are working moms and stay at home moms, and both groups are happy with their respective decisions. It’s about finding what works for you. But I am campaigning for the ladies to find the courage to dream their own dreams.

If I didn’t lose you along the course of this lengthy post, happy new year to you and your loved ones! May 2012 be everything you want it to be, and more. Cheers!